Life with two kids often feels like a 3 ring circus. Some days are pretty chill while other days keep me hopping all day long. When there was just one kid I felt like I still had a foot in the adult/young adult world. But now that I have two it feels like I have fully plunged into the world of parenthood and it's weird.
With one kid I could still go to parties and stay out late - he was a tag-a-long and it was great. But now with two kids I have to be more focused on bedtimes and schedule and routine because if I don't we are all going to struggle. My plans are made with my kids schedule in mind instead of their schedule being an afterthought (maybe this is just a sign of maturing as a parent?).
A lot of my days are long - especially when someone is sick or didn't sleep well the night before. I struggle a lot with the lack of sleep aspect of parenting. It grates on me and I struggle hard not to fall into mental illness.
I love my boys. I would never trade my life with my boys for something easier. But I must say that sometimes I am surprised by what being a mom entails. I watched my mom be a mom to 7 children so you would think I would have a clear knowledge of motherhood but it is just one of those things that you will never fully understand until you experience it.
I have been working hard not to stress about the messy house - the toys scattered across the floor, dishes piled in the sink, laundry still needing to be done, crumbs all over the table and floor. When I first became a mom I felt guilty if all of that wasn't taken care of when someone stopped by to say hi. I felt like a failure. But that mentality isn't fair to myself nor is it realistic and I have been focusing on not allowing the disarray of the house to rob me of joy.
Parenthood is a juggling act and what I have learned is that not everyone juggles things the same. Just because one person can juggle 10 things and not drop any of them doesn't mean I'm able to do that. What is important is to understand my own limits and not allow myself to attempt more than I should.
As I learn to juggle different parental responsibilities I am finding joy in doing those things well. Not always is the house perfectly clean when my husband gets home from work (ha, some days I haven't even gotten dressed yet when he walks through the door) but he knows I love our children and the time and energy I had went into them instead of other things. If I can take care of our children well who cares about the other stuff - it'll be there tomorrow. And that's okay.
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