Life with two kids often feels like a 3 ring circus. Some days are pretty chill while other days keep me hopping all day long. When there was just one kid I felt like I still had a foot in the adult/young adult world. But now that I have two it feels like I have fully plunged into the world of parenthood and it's weird.
With one kid I could still go to parties and stay out late - he was a tag-a-long and it was great. But now with two kids I have to be more focused on bedtimes and schedule and routine because if I don't we are all going to struggle. My plans are made with my kids schedule in mind instead of their schedule being an afterthought (maybe this is just a sign of maturing as a parent?).
A lot of my days are long - especially when someone is sick or didn't sleep well the night before. I struggle a lot with the lack of sleep aspect of parenting. It grates on me and I struggle hard not to fall into mental illness.
I love my boys. I would never trade my life with my boys for something easier. But I must say that sometimes I am surprised by what being a mom entails. I watched my mom be a mom to 7 children so you would think I would have a clear knowledge of motherhood but it is just one of those things that you will never fully understand until you experience it.
I have been working hard not to stress about the messy house - the toys scattered across the floor, dishes piled in the sink, laundry still needing to be done, crumbs all over the table and floor. When I first became a mom I felt guilty if all of that wasn't taken care of when someone stopped by to say hi. I felt like a failure. But that mentality isn't fair to myself nor is it realistic and I have been focusing on not allowing the disarray of the house to rob me of joy.
Parenthood is a juggling act and what I have learned is that not everyone juggles things the same. Just because one person can juggle 10 things and not drop any of them doesn't mean I'm able to do that. What is important is to understand my own limits and not allow myself to attempt more than I should.
As I learn to juggle different parental responsibilities I am finding joy in doing those things well. Not always is the house perfectly clean when my husband gets home from work (ha, some days I haven't even gotten dressed yet when he walks through the door) but he knows I love our children and the time and energy I had went into them instead of other things. If I can take care of our children well who cares about the other stuff - it'll be there tomorrow. And that's okay.
Saturday, March 2, 2019
Wednesday, September 12, 2018
Everything Is Ready Except The Baby...Apparently
It has been quite a few weeks now since we have been living in "baby could arrive anytime" mode. It gets so tiresome because baby is nearly a week past my due date and I've been "ready" since before 38 weeks. These last few weeks have felt like 3 months. Time is ticking by every so slowly.
We brought out the car seat and baby bouncer and set up the baby bed to get my toddler used to having baby stuff around before baby actually arrives. It has been fun watching him interact with it all and he now carries around one of my old baby dolls and is so sweet with it. I think he's ready for his little sibling to arrive.
Waiting and transitions are seriously so hard. I feel like I constantly have to keep up on laundry, dishes, housework, bills, etc. instead of taking care of those things in my normal speed (it all gets done but I might normally wait to do several loads of laundry at once instead of one every day or so). I feel as if I can't relax because I want the house to remain clean, the dishes clean, the clothes clean, the bills caught up, etc. so that when baby does arrive I don't have to worry about all that and can just concentrate on baby and recovery. However, it is exhausting.
My toddler is an active soul and I love that about him but he does create a great deal more work for me. If I clean one mess he creates another. And it is constantly like this all day long (although some days are worse than others). I just want to be done with this waiting so we can work on getting transitioned and back to "normal" life.
I am 41 weeks tomorrow. I went to 41 weeks 1 day with my toddler. I am just afraid this one will stay put even longer. I am tired. I wake up every 2 hours if not more a night. If I'm gonna be up that often I figure I might as well have the baby to feed and take care of instead of just laying there wishing I could sleep longer.
Although this part of pregnancy is the hardest and feels like the longest I know that the end is near. Baby will be here one way or another a week or less. I just need to keep myself busy and distracted so that the minutes and hours don't feel so long. There is light at the end of the tunnel I just don't quite see it yet. But we will get there soon and I will be ever so thankful to be holding my little one in my arms. It will be SOON!
We brought out the car seat and baby bouncer and set up the baby bed to get my toddler used to having baby stuff around before baby actually arrives. It has been fun watching him interact with it all and he now carries around one of my old baby dolls and is so sweet with it. I think he's ready for his little sibling to arrive.
Waiting and transitions are seriously so hard. I feel like I constantly have to keep up on laundry, dishes, housework, bills, etc. instead of taking care of those things in my normal speed (it all gets done but I might normally wait to do several loads of laundry at once instead of one every day or so). I feel as if I can't relax because I want the house to remain clean, the dishes clean, the clothes clean, the bills caught up, etc. so that when baby does arrive I don't have to worry about all that and can just concentrate on baby and recovery. However, it is exhausting.
My toddler is an active soul and I love that about him but he does create a great deal more work for me. If I clean one mess he creates another. And it is constantly like this all day long (although some days are worse than others). I just want to be done with this waiting so we can work on getting transitioned and back to "normal" life.
I am 41 weeks tomorrow. I went to 41 weeks 1 day with my toddler. I am just afraid this one will stay put even longer. I am tired. I wake up every 2 hours if not more a night. If I'm gonna be up that often I figure I might as well have the baby to feed and take care of instead of just laying there wishing I could sleep longer.
Although this part of pregnancy is the hardest and feels like the longest I know that the end is near. Baby will be here one way or another a week or less. I just need to keep myself busy and distracted so that the minutes and hours don't feel so long. There is light at the end of the tunnel I just don't quite see it yet. But we will get there soon and I will be ever so thankful to be holding my little one in my arms. It will be SOON!
Monday, September 10, 2018
The Waiting Game Continues
Here I am sitting at 40 1/2 weeks pregnant waiting for baby to arrive. I have been doing my best to keep active, keep the house clean, laundry caught up and groceries in the house when what I'd really like to do is just sleep. I am tired. Getting up in the mornings is difficult because I have to get up so often during the night to pee and my body is becoming increasingly uncomfortable.
It is hard to wait for when baby will decide to arrive. I know it really won't be much longer at all but these last few weeks are a real killer. There are so many mind tricks and discouragements that happen. The anticipation and unknown is the hardest. I have tried so many things to try to encourage baby to come but nothings seems to help. Baby will come when baby is ready to come. I know this but it is still difficult to wait.
Yesterday I went on a walk with my husband and toddler. We stopped off at a play ground and I sat on the swing for a while - I can't remember the last time I did that, I quite enjoyed the exercise and fun that a swing brings. Today I went grocery shopping (left the toddler with the grandparents) and carried in all the bags in one load. I also did a 10 minute workout routine. It is supposed to be a 30 minute routine but at this stage I don't have the energy to repeat the sets 2 times after the initial set.
Tomorrow I plan to give the house a deep clean. I have done this several times in the last few weeks but it never hurts to do it again. It always amazes me how quickly things get dirty when a toddler is around. I am already caught up on laundry so that's a plus. I will need to update the budget and all that as well.
Basically, I am just trying to keep busy to keep my mind off the fact that baby is not here yet as well as stay active to hopefully encourage baby to leave his warm small nest and join us in the outside world. It won't be long now...
It is hard to wait for when baby will decide to arrive. I know it really won't be much longer at all but these last few weeks are a real killer. There are so many mind tricks and discouragements that happen. The anticipation and unknown is the hardest. I have tried so many things to try to encourage baby to come but nothings seems to help. Baby will come when baby is ready to come. I know this but it is still difficult to wait.
Yesterday I went on a walk with my husband and toddler. We stopped off at a play ground and I sat on the swing for a while - I can't remember the last time I did that, I quite enjoyed the exercise and fun that a swing brings. Today I went grocery shopping (left the toddler with the grandparents) and carried in all the bags in one load. I also did a 10 minute workout routine. It is supposed to be a 30 minute routine but at this stage I don't have the energy to repeat the sets 2 times after the initial set.
Tomorrow I plan to give the house a deep clean. I have done this several times in the last few weeks but it never hurts to do it again. It always amazes me how quickly things get dirty when a toddler is around. I am already caught up on laundry so that's a plus. I will need to update the budget and all that as well.
Basically, I am just trying to keep busy to keep my mind off the fact that baby is not here yet as well as stay active to hopefully encourage baby to leave his warm small nest and join us in the outside world. It won't be long now...
Wednesday, September 5, 2018
Long Ago In A Galaxy Far Far Away Something Was Fishy
Okay, so maybe it wasn't in a far away galaxy but it was long ago and basically a different lifetime.
I started this project back in 2010 while I lived with my grandparents on the West Coast. When I first started the project I intended it to be a blanket for a twin sized bed. I figured I would be living out there for quite some time and this was a project that I could constantly be working on to keep me busy in my down time. (I love being able to just pick up a project and work on it a little at a time as I have opportunity).
As time passed and I realized just how much work it would be to make a gazillion and ten fish shaped pieces and then how much longer it would take to sew them all together I scrapped my original idea and decided to make a baby blanket instead. But as time continued to pass I decided, once again, that I did not have patience for that and finally just sewed together what I had made and declared it a rug and called it finished.
And I used it as a rug for many years. However, it always bothered me that it did not have a backing and that it never quite laid flat (a flaw in the pattern I used). Well, now that I am nearly 40 weeks pregnant I decided it was time to finish that silly project I started so very long ago. So while my toddler played beside me that is exactly what I did yesterday.
I took out some leftover fleece fabric I had from another project and did a lot of measuring and sewing to get it the size of the rug. Then I had to measure out where each fish would be tacked to the fleece and mark it and tack it. Then I had to cut out the curves on the edges and whip stick it all in place.
Then came my least favorite job, putting the binding on. I didn't have enough of one color so I just pieced a few together (this whole project was created using leftover scrap materials so I figured it would complete the "look" anyway). I did an terrible job putting the binding on and I didn't really care, I just wanted it on there. It was quite difficult to get it all even and smooth around all those curves.
So now I can say that I actually finished this project that I started literally 8 years ago. I am pleased that it is finished and I am even more pleased that it won't be so stretchy and lays at least a little bit flatter than it did before. No matter how badly a project is done it is nice to say it is completed. Now I feel accomplished and ready to go on to the next project in life (hopefully giving birth! haha)
I started this project back in 2010 while I lived with my grandparents on the West Coast. When I first started the project I intended it to be a blanket for a twin sized bed. I figured I would be living out there for quite some time and this was a project that I could constantly be working on to keep me busy in my down time. (I love being able to just pick up a project and work on it a little at a time as I have opportunity).
As time passed and I realized just how much work it would be to make a gazillion and ten fish shaped pieces and then how much longer it would take to sew them all together I scrapped my original idea and decided to make a baby blanket instead. But as time continued to pass I decided, once again, that I did not have patience for that and finally just sewed together what I had made and declared it a rug and called it finished.
And I used it as a rug for many years. However, it always bothered me that it did not have a backing and that it never quite laid flat (a flaw in the pattern I used). Well, now that I am nearly 40 weeks pregnant I decided it was time to finish that silly project I started so very long ago. So while my toddler played beside me that is exactly what I did yesterday.
I took out some leftover fleece fabric I had from another project and did a lot of measuring and sewing to get it the size of the rug. Then I had to measure out where each fish would be tacked to the fleece and mark it and tack it. Then I had to cut out the curves on the edges and whip stick it all in place.
Then came my least favorite job, putting the binding on. I didn't have enough of one color so I just pieced a few together (this whole project was created using leftover scrap materials so I figured it would complete the "look" anyway). I did an terrible job putting the binding on and I didn't really care, I just wanted it on there. It was quite difficult to get it all even and smooth around all those curves.
So now I can say that I actually finished this project that I started literally 8 years ago. I am pleased that it is finished and I am even more pleased that it won't be so stretchy and lays at least a little bit flatter than it did before. No matter how badly a project is done it is nice to say it is completed. Now I feel accomplished and ready to go on to the next project in life (hopefully giving birth! haha)
Tuesday, September 4, 2018
Here We Go Again
Wow, it is hard to believe that this blog has been neglected for over a year. So many things have transpired since my past post I don't think I'd ever be able to catch you up on everything. So instead I shall just tell you where I'm at right now and what's next in the future.
My little guy turned 2 last month. I can hardly believe we have hit this milestone. He has been sleeping through the night for about the last 9 months. I can't even tell you how amazing the feeling is to not have to get up in the middle of the night with a toddler who won't stay asleep.
Since my last post we have also moved into a 2 bedroom apartment. It has been ever so wonderful to not only have separate bedrooms but also to be closer to the grandparents. It is really neat to watch my son's relationship grow and develop with his grandparents. He is very much a grandpa's boy and loves ever second with them.
The big news of the year, however, is that baby number two is on the way! And not only is baby number two on the way but baby number two is due any day now! It is so crazy to think that we have already gone through the majority of the pregnancy and are now just waiting for baby to arrive. It is a scary thought to have a newborn again, especially since our last kid had so much trouble sleeping. But it is exciting and I can't wait to meet this little bundle of joy. If only he would decide to come sooner than later.
Life is busy, life is full but life is also fun. I am enjoying having a toddler who can now communicate some with me and I really enjoy teaching him how to do things. It will be strange to suddenly have a newborn again but I am excited to watch my toddler become a big brother and watch him grow and learn through this experience. I am just hoping that this second kid will do better in the sleep department. This mama is tired as it is and I can't imagine how hard it will be if I have a newborn who won't sleep plus a toddler who is always full of energy and on the go. Time will see how well we adjust to this new adventure in life. One thing I know for sure though is that God's grace will get me through regardless of how hard it may become.
My little guy turned 2 last month. I can hardly believe we have hit this milestone. He has been sleeping through the night for about the last 9 months. I can't even tell you how amazing the feeling is to not have to get up in the middle of the night with a toddler who won't stay asleep.
Since my last post we have also moved into a 2 bedroom apartment. It has been ever so wonderful to not only have separate bedrooms but also to be closer to the grandparents. It is really neat to watch my son's relationship grow and develop with his grandparents. He is very much a grandpa's boy and loves ever second with them.
The big news of the year, however, is that baby number two is on the way! And not only is baby number two on the way but baby number two is due any day now! It is so crazy to think that we have already gone through the majority of the pregnancy and are now just waiting for baby to arrive. It is a scary thought to have a newborn again, especially since our last kid had so much trouble sleeping. But it is exciting and I can't wait to meet this little bundle of joy. If only he would decide to come sooner than later.
Life is busy, life is full but life is also fun. I am enjoying having a toddler who can now communicate some with me and I really enjoy teaching him how to do things. It will be strange to suddenly have a newborn again but I am excited to watch my toddler become a big brother and watch him grow and learn through this experience. I am just hoping that this second kid will do better in the sleep department. This mama is tired as it is and I can't imagine how hard it will be if I have a newborn who won't sleep plus a toddler who is always full of energy and on the go. Time will see how well we adjust to this new adventure in life. One thing I know for sure though is that God's grace will get me through regardless of how hard it may become.
Monday, June 5, 2017
It's Back To Work
It's hard to believe that my little one is already 9 months old. And already walking at that! Life has been a huge whirlwind of activity and my once little, tiny, kid is, well, still tiny but he is growing and exploring and becoming more and more independent every day. He loves to learn new things and is very determined to master each new skill. And that is probably why he is walking by 9 months. Oiy. Where has the time gone?
Back in April I started working again. Prior to even becoming pregnant I had found a freelance job that I could do from home with very flexible hours. I took a long break from that work when I got pregnant due to just being overwhelmed by morning sickness and getting ready for the new little one to arrive. After he did finally arrive I was struggling so much from lack of sleep I could hardly see straight so work waited.
But now my little one is easily entertained by himself and I no longer need those naps when he naps so I have returned to work. There are a lot of freelance jobs out there that you can do from home. The job that I found that has served me quite well is video captioning. I write the subtitles to videos. It works perfect for me as I love to type and I can do it when and if I have time. What is also nice is that it is flexible so I can work as many or few hours as I choose or have time for (provided there is work) and I can work any part of the day or night I so choose.
This works out well for me and I find myself sitting at my computer feeling as though I have purpose again. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom and I am so very thankful that I can be at home with my little munchkin but I do find that there is much want for something more constructive to do with my brain than gaga googoo. And this job fits the bill.
Today I actually applied for a second freelance job, a transcription job at another company. I did this because work isn't always consistent and it is nice to have a second (or third) option available for work if the first option doesn't have anything at the moment. I am looking forward to hearing back from them and hoping that I get in and am able to find some work there as well.
Life is good. I am enjoying all that I have on my plate and am always happy with variety, which I have much of nowadays. And so, until next time, have a lovely, purpose-filled day. Ciao!
Back in April I started working again. Prior to even becoming pregnant I had found a freelance job that I could do from home with very flexible hours. I took a long break from that work when I got pregnant due to just being overwhelmed by morning sickness and getting ready for the new little one to arrive. After he did finally arrive I was struggling so much from lack of sleep I could hardly see straight so work waited.
But now my little one is easily entertained by himself and I no longer need those naps when he naps so I have returned to work. There are a lot of freelance jobs out there that you can do from home. The job that I found that has served me quite well is video captioning. I write the subtitles to videos. It works perfect for me as I love to type and I can do it when and if I have time. What is also nice is that it is flexible so I can work as many or few hours as I choose or have time for (provided there is work) and I can work any part of the day or night I so choose.
This works out well for me and I find myself sitting at my computer feeling as though I have purpose again. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom and I am so very thankful that I can be at home with my little munchkin but I do find that there is much want for something more constructive to do with my brain than gaga googoo. And this job fits the bill.
Today I actually applied for a second freelance job, a transcription job at another company. I did this because work isn't always consistent and it is nice to have a second (or third) option available for work if the first option doesn't have anything at the moment. I am looking forward to hearing back from them and hoping that I get in and am able to find some work there as well.
Life is good. I am enjoying all that I have on my plate and am always happy with variety, which I have much of nowadays. And so, until next time, have a lovely, purpose-filled day. Ciao!
Thursday, February 16, 2017
Supply and Demand
If you search the internet you will find many lists of things that people were unaware of or not prepared for when it came to pregnancy/birth/motherhood because nobody warned them. Those things are a wide variety of things ranging from body changes, mood swings, and the gross factor. While I was pregnant I read many of those lists but that still didn't prepare me like I thought it would. And now I have my own item to add to the vast list that circulates the internet world.
Before my son was born I expected nursing him to be a learning curve. I knew it would be a challenge and that we would just need to stick to our guns until we figured it out. Having that mindset was helpful as we struggled a bit with getting the hang of it and it wasn't until a week and a half into it that we were finally starting to do good.
However, what I did not expect and what nobody told me was that it takes a lot of work to make milk. I never realized how my diet would affect both the content of the milk as well as the quantity. Now I realize not everyone struggles with this as much as I do but it is hard to keep up a good supply of milk for my son. He is an eater and I know that if I had more of a supply he would for sure be a heftier kid.
It is a challenge for me to keep up with the demand and to make sure my supply doesn't drop because I chose to eat unhealthy for a meal. It is a constant worry of mine that one day my supply will completely disappear and I won't have anymore for my son. In some ways I will be thankful when he is weened so I won't have to be so concerned about eating all the right fats and proteins every day.
I wish someone had told me about the challenges of making a good supply. Maybe then I would not have felt so panicked when I noticed my supply start to drop one day. Maybe I would have been able to tailor my diet better right away if I had known that this could be an issue.
I could go into the what ifs and I wishes but I guess this is one thing that you live and learn and keep going. My son is not starving. He is getting the food he needs. I just have to work hard to keep making that food. It may be tiresome but it won't be for forever. And when the day comes that I no longer am able to feed him this way I will probably miss it. Funny how life is that way.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)